Bible Money Matters

Christian personal finance

Menu
    • About
    • Archives
    • Contact
    • Close
  • Making Money
      • Popular Articles

        • 50 Ways To Make Money: Maximizing, Creating And Increasing Your Income
        • 10 Weird And Unconventional Ways To Make Money
        • Making Money With A Blog (e-Book)
        • 10 Places To Sell Or Trade Your Unused (Or Broken) Electronics
        • Ways To Make Extra Money Series: 20 More Income Generating Ideas From Our Readers
        • Making Side Income Can Help Blunt The Impact Of Becoming A One Income Family
        • Earn Cash Back With Discover it® Credit Card
      • Recent Articles – Making Money

        • Best Sites Like Fiverr To Make Money As A Freelancer
        • 13 Of The Best Independent Contractor Jobs
        • 25 Of The Best Gig Economy Jobs
        • How To Make Money Blogging: Turn A Blog Into A Business
      • Categories

        • Making Money
        • Investing
        • Retirement
        • Jobs & Work LIfe
        • Money
        • Income
    • Close
  • Saving Money
      • Popular Articles

        • 50 Easy Ways To Save Money Every Month
        • 10 Weird And Unconventional Ways To Save Money
        • 10 Practical Ways To Save Money And Increase Your Net Worth
        • How To Save Money On Just About All Of Your Regular Monthly Bills
        • Ways To Watch TV Without Paying An Arm And A Leg For Cable TV
        • Save Money On Your Hospital Bill - Just By Asking
      • Recent Articles – Saving Money

        • How To Save $100k In 7 Practical Steps
        • Stairs App Review: Save And Invest To Earn 4-6% Interest
        • Honey Review: Save Money Automatically When You Shop Online
        • 9 Convincing Reasons Why You Need An Emergency Fund
      • Categories

        • Saving Money
        • Frugality
        • Planning
        • Finance
        • Saving For Retirement
        • Savings Accounts
    • Close
  • Banking
      • Best Rates For 2019

        • Best Credit Cards
        • Best Savings Accounts
        • Best Mortgage Rates
        • Best CD Rates
        • Best Brokerages
        • Free Credit Scores
      • Recent Reviews

        • TradeStation Review: Commission Free Stock And ETF Trades
        • Firstrade Review: Commission Free Trades on Stocks, Crypto, And Options
        • Cadre Real Estate Investing Review: Commercial Real Estate Investing
        • Axos Self Directed Trading Review: Invest, Trade Stocks For Free
      • Categories

        • Bank & Software Reviews
        • Investing
        • Credit
        • Banking
        • Mortgage
        • Insurance
        • Family Budget
    • Close
  • Recommended
  • Video
    • Close

Lies and Money: What Are You Keeping From Your Spouse?

By Peter Anderson 2 Comments - The content of this website often contains affiliate links and I may be compensated if you buy through those links (at no cost to you!). Learn more about how we make money. Last edited April 17, 2009.

Share7
Pin
Tweet2
Share1
10 Shares

Quick Navigation

  • Money And Marriage
  • Deception
  • My Confession
  • What’s The Moral Of The Story?

Money And Marriage

One thing I’ve been thinking about a lot more lately is just how much of a role money can play in a marriage, and how you approach it can determine the success or failure of the relationship. In fact, statistics have shown that the majority of marriages that end in divorce cite “money problems” as the number one reason for divorce.

My wife and I have been getting our financial house in order these past few weeks because we started attending Dave Ramsey’s “Financial Peace University” class. As part of that class you are encouraged to communicate more often with your spouse about your financial situation through family budget committee meetings, and through talking about the household budget. Often talking about your finances opens up the communication in other areas as well, leading to some very positive steps in your marriage.

Deception

Recently I was on Twitter.com just reading some posts when I came across a post on Money Confession‘s thread. It said:

I have four credit cards my husband doesn’t know about. He just ordered both our credit reports – I am so afraid he will find out

I’m beginning to think that this type of deception is a lot more common than I thought.

I talked with an acquaintance recently and she told me about how she has a separate checking account that a portion of her paycheck goes into – and her husband knows nothing about it. She uses it so she can spend the money on whatever she wants without her husband knowing. She even went as far as to have her company cut her two separate checks. One “secret” check, and the other “actual” take home check. Her husband thinks she makes a lot less than she really does. (UPDATE: This couple has now divorced. I’m not surprised with the level of deception going on)

I’ve read threads elsewhere as well where people are talking about how to keep money safe and secret from a spouse – so that they won’t find out. They do this to spend on things they want, just to be safe in case of a divorce or because they don’t trust their partner’s judgement when it comes to money.

I think when people in a relationship feel they have to keep secrets like this there is a fundamental lack of trust that is coming into play. The marriage probably has deeper issues than just money issues, there are probably issues with communication, trust, respect as well as a myriad of other things we can only begin to list. Counseling is probably needed for most of these couples.

My Confession

The only time in recent memory that I can think of withholding financial information from my wife was when I bought an Xbox last year. I sold some things on eBay in order to raise the money to buy the video game system. I sold our DVD recorder, my old Dreamcast console as well as some other small items. I raised enough money from selling those things to pay for that new Xbox as well as have some money left over. The problem was that I hadn’t communicated it well enough to my wife that I intended to do this. I kind of mentioned selling some stuff on eBay, but forgot to mention (so she tells me) that I was doing this to buy an Xbox. I didn’t tell her what I was selling, and I didn’t OK the console purchase before going through with it. I just did it.

What did I learn from the situation? When you aren’t completely open with your spouse, and always keep an open line of communication with them there will be problems. Even though I thought I had mentioned to her what I was doing, I still hadn’t communicated my complete intent to her, and because of that she lost a little trust in me with our finances. I will now have to rebuild some of that trust that she’s lost.

What’s The Moral Of The Story?

The temptation to be secretive with your expenses is going to be there. The lures of buying things you want, choosing not to trust your partner with finances or just having your “own money” are very enticing. More and more people are giving in and creating new secrets every day, and many people actually think there is nothing at all wrong with it. I have to disagree.

I believe that having an open and honest dialogue with your spouse is necessary at all times if you want to have a strong marriage. When you aren’t, most of the time your spouse is going to find out, and it won’t be pretty. If they don’t find out you’ll have this big secret weighing down on you. That’s not something that I would want to live with.

King David speaks of deception in Psalms:

I will sing of your love and justice; to you, O LORD, I will sing praise. I will be careful to lead a blameless life— when will you come to me? I will walk in my house with blameless heart… No one who practices deceit will dwell in my house; no one who speaks falsely will stand in my presence. Psalm 101 1-2, 7

If we want to try and “be careful to lead a blameless life” as David speaks of, we need to be careful not to practice deceit or lie to our spouses. Nothing good can come of keeping secrets. David himself found out the price of deceit when he had an affair with a married woman and deceitfully sent her husband into battle to die. Deceit, lies and secrets never end well.

Have you ever kept a secret from a loved one? What was the result if they found out? Have you ever had someone else keep a secret from you? Do you disagree that keeping secrets about money is bad thing? Leave a comment!

Related Posts

  • Communication: Talking With Your Spouse About Money

    I've been married to my beautiful wife now for 5 1/2 years, and during those times I can't tell you how many mis-communications we've had…

  • Keeping In Touch With Bible Money Matters!

    Bible Money Matters was launched around the 1st of February 2008 as a place for me to put down my thoughts on matters of my…

  • My 5 Biggest Money Mistakes

    When I look back on my financial life, there are a lot of things that I've done that I should've done differently. I've made bad…

Share7
Pin
Tweet2
Share1
10 Shares
Last Edited: 17th April 2009 The content of biblemoneymatters.com is for general information purposes only and does not constitute professional advice. Visitors to biblemoneymatters.com should not act upon the content or information without first seeking appropriate professional advice. In accordance with the latest FTC guidelines, we declare that we have a financial relationship with every company mentioned on this site.

This article is about: Commentary, Tips

About Peter Anderson

Peter Anderson is a Christian, husband to his beautiful wife Maria, and father to his 2 children. He loves reading and writing about personal finance, and also enjoys a good board game every now and again. You can find out more about him on the about page. Don't forget to say hi on Pinterest, Twitter or Facebook!

Comments

    Share Your Thoughts: Cancel reply

  1. Dana says

    My husband has been a financial “adulterer” for most of our marriage. It started with using money set aside for our honeymoon, then mismanaging our household money MANY times (he refused to allow me to be a part of this), and running up many credit cards in secret with secret post office boxes. Three months ago, after having put all the boundries in place I knew how, along with therapy under his belt, he did it again. This makes five times in our marriage and twice corporately. He also recently confessed to stealing from the ministry that employeed him years ago.

    I stayed all these years because he claimed “it is the last time”, “I’m getting help now,” etc. It has eroded my trust, respect and killed any love I had left. I can’t take any more.

    This is as bad as if he’d had multiple affairs. He’s been a pastor, department head of a large corporate ministry, and knows the Lord. The church has flogged me with the “you can’t divorce because it isn’t adultry”.

    Who says the “other woman” can’t be deceit without a flesh and blood body? That is what it feels like. I am totally broken, as are our kids (18 and 21).

    Secrets and deceit kill, rob, steal, destroy. If you are doing it…please stop and get help and vow to never “sleep” with deception again.

    Reply
  2. linny says

    My husband and I have been married for almost six years. Dated 2.
    This is a second marriage for both of us. He has a son and I have two sons. Only one son lives with us now. My husband is paying for child support for his son who lives with his mother.
    Two days ago my husband had to attend court for a increase in child support. The judge increased the child support over double and then made this retro active for 33 months. Therefore, my husband will have to pay her over $52,000 in the next 3 years. His son is 17 .
    I was devasted because I did not know how we were going to afford this. My husband was in debt when I married him and we did get him out. But, through this Friend of the court situation i found out that my husband has been keeping $2000 a month for 6 years out of his paycheck and putting it into his own 401K. This comes out to be around $144,000. In the meantime we are living paycheck to paycheck and sometimes having to dip into the savings to pay our overage each month. My Mother died last August and she left me a gift of money. It is less than $200,000 but I am a saver and put it in to save for my retirement. It is being invested. My husband has always felt he should have this money. This is his reasoning for putting the $2000 a month in his 401K. I am not talking to him. I feel deceived and hurt by his lack of committment to our finances. He knew we could have used the extra money each month. But,he was more important. I don’t trust him anymore and I feel he could have planned this out better . Saved so we don’t feel so desperate.

    Reply
Previous Post: Personal Finance Bible Verse of the Day: Haste Leads to Poverty
Next Post: Personal Finance Bible Verse of the Day: Needs
Discover Investment Platforms

Popular Posts

  • 21 Easy Ways To Earn Free Amazon Gift Cards
  • 10 Best Free Tax Filing Services And Software Online
  • 21 Apps That Pay You Real Money Fast
  • 17 TV Apps And Live TV Streaming Services To Watch TV Free
  • 30 Legit Online Jobs That Pay Well
  • 37 Easy Ways To Get Free Gift Cards
  • How To Get Free Stock
  • 40 Easy Ways To Get Free Money Fast
  • 21 Places To Read Free Books Online
  • 24 Legit Online Jobs
  • 17 Best Work From Home Jobs: A List Of Legit Online Jobs That Pay Well

Recent Posts

  • How To Save $100k In 7 Practical Steps
  • How to Save Money When Remodeling A Home
  • How To Hire A Contractor For Your Remodeling Project
  • Remembering 9/11 Years Later: Where Were You On That Fateful Day?
  • TradeStation Review: Commission Free Stock And ETF Trades
  • Firstrade Review: Commission Free Trades on Stocks, Crypto, And Options
  • Cadre Real Estate Investing Review: Commercial Real Estate Investing
  • Best Sites Like Fiverr To Make Money As A Freelancer
  • Axos Self Directed Trading Review: Invest, Trade Stocks For Free
  • 30 Quotes About Easter And Resurrection: He Is Risen!

Disclaimer

The information contained in BibleMoneyMatters.com is for general information or entertainment purposes only and does not constitute professional financial advice. Please contact an independent financial professional for advice regarding your specific situation.

In accordance with FTC guidelines, we state that we have a financial relationship with some of the companies mentioned in this website. This may include receiving access to free products and services for product and service reviews and giveaways.

Any references to third party products, rates, or websites are subject to change without notice. We do our best to maintain current information, but due to the rapidly changing environment, some information may have changed since it was published. Please do the appropriate research before participating in any third party offers.

Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.

We respect your privacy: Privacy Policy.

Thanks for visiting!

Bible Money Matters - Seen On These Sites and more..
Bible Money Matters is a personal finance, entrepreneurship and investing community. Give more, save more and live more.

Copyright © 2023 · Bible Money Matters | Sitemap | Advertise | Privacy Policy