College Is Expensive. Who Should Pay?
A lot of our married friends have been having kids lately, and as a result some of them have started saving for their kid’s future college education.
I think it is admirable to be planning ahead, and ensuring that your children get an education. But my question is this: Should parents be paying for all of their children’s education in the first place?
Over at Llama money they had a similar discussion that struck a chord with me, so I thought I would give my take on this as well.
My College Expenses And How They Were Paid
When I was growing up my parents were never well off as my father worked at a local church food shelter ministering to others in their neediest of times. We didn’t have a lot, but we had what we needed. We learned a good work ethic, how to serve others and of course the value of a dollar (much easier to do this when you don’t have much).
When I was in high school it was made clear to me that I would need to get good grades, and try for college scholarships in order to pay for my education. My parents would help where they could, but the amount they could contribute to my education was limited.
When I graduated high school, I graduated with honors and consequently received some grants, as well as other free money for school. In addition, my parents co-signed on student loans in order that I could pay the rest of my tuition, room and board.
Right off the bat I was aware that my education was costing me something. I went from having no debt to having thousands of dollars in debt to my school. Because I was paying so much of my own money (or future money) I knew I had to get the most out of my education. I ended up graduating 4 years later, and I think because I was paying for most of my own education, I got so much more out of it. I wasn’t just going to school to party or to meet people.
Why Might It Be Good To Not Pay For All Of Your Child’s Education?
In today’s world it is almost expected that parents will either pay for most, or all of a child’s education costs. People who don’t are almost looked on as being bad parents. I don’t think this is a great mindset to come from, and I think there are a lot of advantages to not paying for all of your kid’s education:
- If they realize they’ll be paying for their own schooling, they’ll work harder in school to get academic scholarships: In my own case I strove hard in high school to get good grades so that I could qualify for pell grants, school scholarships and other free money that is often available. (this might be another post in itself).
- Paying for your own college experience promotes responsibility: When you’re paying for something it will often be that much more important to you to get the most out of it. I know I worked that much harder because I knew I would be paying off this debt for years to come. I didn’t want it to be for nothing. If your parents pay, sometimes it can be looked upon as an entitlement, free money to be spent as you would like. I knew a lot of these rich kids at school who were just there for the booze, drugs and parties. They weren’t paying for it, so what did they care?
- Paying for your own school gives you a better work ethic: Having to work a job while going to school can be hard, but it can also teach you the value of a hard day’s work. I don’t think that’s a bad thing.
College Isn’t For Everyone
Another point that I think needs to be made is that college isn’t for everyone. Don’t assume that your child will need or want to go to college. Some people will be fine going to a 2 year technical school, or no schooling beyond high school at all. It all depends on what they want to do, and what their goals are. Saddling your kids with a bunch of unnecessary debt isn’t a good idea either – especially if they don’t want to go to college in the first place.
Not Paying For College Can Help Them!
For those of you out there who would feel guilty not paying for your child’s education, remember that you’re not just leaving them out in the wind. You’re actually helping them.
- Teaching them how to live: As Llama money pointed out, “There is no better teacher in this world than responsibility”. By making them watch their expenses, live within a budget (their loan/grant money), and make wise money decisions you are actually laying the groundwork for their future financial life.
- Teaching them the value of a dollar: When your child is having to watch every dime that comes in and out to make ends meet, it will really give them an inside look at the concept of money, and how important it is to manage your money wisely. Hey, see – Ramen noodles aren’t so bad!
While I am of the opinion that a parent shouldn’t pay for all of their kids schooling because it can promote a sense of entitlement, I don’t think it is wrong to help them out either. Giving them some college funds and encouraging them in everything they do is definitely a plus. Finding a happy medium between paying for all of their schooling and helping them to become financially responsible adults is where I think we need to be.
For more great articles about parents, children and money:
Llama Money – College and a Parent’s Responsibility
Should you compare your lifestyle to your parents?
Who do you blame for your financial problems?
Should you discuss finances with your children?
A discussion of paying for children’s college
Pay for college or make them work for it?
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- A Commonly Believed Myth: The Little Guy Just Can't Get Ahead
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My husband and I were very fortunate to graduate from college without any school-related debt.
I had almost a semester’s worth of credit before even starting college, thanks to placement tests and high school courses offering dual credit.
We went to a state school where tuition was lower than out of state or private.
We worked all but the first semester of college and contributed to tuition and our expenses.
I earned a few small scholarships, landed some paid internships, and did things on campus to reduce my tuition and room & board.
Our families helped out a great deal. We wouldn’t have been able to do it without them! I hope that I’ll be able to contribute at least 60-70% of my children’s college educations, but only if my husband and I are able to contribute to our retirement first.
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Being a recent graduate without any aid from my parents, I want to say that I don’t that this article is very correct. Our current government only recognizes that parents are going to make it their responsibility to manage their student’s tuition. My parents made it my responsibily to pay my bills and find my loans, and refused to fill out the FAFSA or give me the information to fill it out. I couldn’t take out federal loads or get any aid…I also graduated highschool with high honors and my state school did not care at all.
As far as working, just because somebody learns how valuable money is doens’t mean that they are just going to get good grades. Working 20-30 hours a week significantly reduces study time – especially when grades are based upon competition with classmates.
Now that I have successfully graduated with a degree in neuroscience, I make just about as much money as a retail worker and owe 65 thousand dollars.
Something needs to change in our economy. College students are adults and can’t be held accountable for tuition payments just because their parents have the money, especially when they aren’t willing to give it up.
I am sorry, but the fact that you graduated with a degree in neuroscience and make just about as much money as a retail worker and owe 65 thousand is EXACTLY why parents should NOT pay for all of their children’s college expenses. I personally know many other people who, just like you, took out huge loans to send their kids to the most prestigious schools they could afford, and their kids (most of whom graduated, and a few of whom dropped out) did NOTHING with their education after graduation!
There is a saying: “If you want to [party] you go to school. If you want an education, you go to the library” Do a google search for “College Lectures online” and you will find thousands and thousands of online lectures from the best professors at the best universities in the country. Education is free, but responsibility is priceless.
I did not party. I studied and worked and got high honors. In order to get into med school, you need a 4.0 and hundreds of hours of volunteer work and cultural experiences..which is hard to do when you need to support yourself financially. I did not go to a luxurious school… I went to a state school. If you cant continue on to medical school or affort to go right into graduate school, you work in research funded by the government, which is what I do. Do not assume that money is correlated with responsibity.
It would be extremely irresponsible for parents to refuse to contribute to their children’s education. All colleges, even those with excellent financial aid programs, expect financially-able parents to contribute. Many won’t consider the fact that they refuse to, and won’t acknowledge a student as independent unless they are significantly estranged or even divorced from their parents. Your child will be saddled with whatever burden the colleges decide you can handle, and the wealthier you are, the harder it is for your child to overcome the debt, and this could lead them to making poor choices- choosing careers poorly suited to them because of their earning potential, choosing a less expensive, less rigorous college that isn’t challenging enough, working too hard to study enough or take a breather and enjoy the last few free years of their lives. Tuition and expenses have far outpaced inflation- it costs a ton more for your kids than it did for you. The economy is shaky, and job prospects when they get out might not be the sunniest, and huge loans and no viable job is a sure recipe for bankrupcty or worse- moving back in!
I’m not suggesting that they shouldn’t be responsible for their own living expenses. They should have some sort of job and should pay for supplies, clothing, food outside of their meal plan, entertainment, cell phones, and other discretionary expenditures. But I can’t picture saddling my child with $200,000 if there’s anything I can do to help.
First of all, telling your children in advance that your are footing the college bill is irresponsible. Secondly, at the undergraduate level, pedigree (the specific university one attends) is largely meaningless. A state school often has a equivalent program to a private university. The above items being said, get your high achieving student to bust their butt and get A’s early. They should take the ACT/SAT early,(regardless of what their guidance counseler says)
FRESHMAN year of high school to get a baseline, and retake it as often as it takes to get a 30 ACT composite, or a SAT of 1400 (math/verbal). Given a 3.5+ GPA, your student can write their ticket to at least 2/3 of their college expenses paid for, and in some cases, a full ride, all based on MERIT, not a govt hand out. For those students that do not meet the aforementioned requirement, perhaps they need to look at a 2 year
community college, get the high grades there on the cheap, then transfer to a state school. Too many students (and their parents) think they are Ivy League material, when they are really not. It is NOT the parents legal nor moral responsibility to give their kids the “Parental Scholarship”. Telling your kids they have to earn their way will reveal their character. That will be the largest barometer of their future success.
A very thought-provoking essay on a very important topic. To be sure, there are no easy answers here. The author bravely makes some statements that few dare to make but need to be said, such as the fact that a college education may not be for everyone. We need more honest discussions along these lines.
Daniel K. Berman, Ph.D., Director
http://www.CollegeSolutionsUSA.com
We told our kids we would pay for their college IF we could afford it, (which Praise God, we were able to)and IF they went to local state colleges and lived at home. If they had chosen to go away to college, they knew they had to pay at least 1/2 and possibly more, depending on what college they went to. With the exception of one semester, they all chose to take that route. They got excellent educations at reasonable prices which we all appreciated!
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I disagree with your point of view, probably because I was raised differently.
I was born in China to two highly-educated parents. When we came to America when I was 9, my parents told me that all they wanted me to do was to do well in school and life. I was expected to get good grades and participate and excel in extra-curricular activities as well.
I didn’t think much of it until I was a junior in high school (last year), but I finally realized how much investment they put into me. 12 years of piano lessons, private tennis and golf lessons, swim team, art classes…
They also made it clear to me that they do not want me to take out loans for college. They encourage me to get part-time jobs for the sake of gaining experience, but they don’t want me to be stressed about finance. Not only do they want to pay for college, they also want to pay for law school. I am so grateful for them.
In the Chinese culture, parents are dedicated to their children for their entire lifetime. Duty doesn’t end when a child becomes an adult. It’s incomprehensible why parents would “kick out” a child after high school and throw them into a world without support.
It’s reasonable for parents to pay for their children’s education if they are capable, because that enables children to stay focused in school and not worried about making money. Socialization is also important because a lot of times, that’s where opportunity pops up. If students can devote all their time to studying, then they are more likely to finish school sooner with better grades. It’s an investment, really, because good grades and schools can get you a better job, which will make you more money.
In return, the children will pay for THEIR children. The cycle works out for everyone, and no one is left uncared for.
I do not believe parents should have to pay for their child’s college education, nor should they be forced to contribute at all. We raised these kids all their lives and paid for everything , not just in a financial aspect. There are plenty of ways to get through college or technical school without going into debt. Yea, it might take a little longer to get through, but you will if YOU want it and it means something to you!
Two of my six have gone to college now and one other than self educated and passed a licensing exam on her own. We did not contribute to their extended education, but we did support them in every other way that we could. All of them have agreed that had they not had to do it on their own they would not appreciate their achievements.
On another note, we have many friends that did pay for thier childs college education only to have their child bum out or not even use the degree once they graduated. Their parents however are still paying those bills.
Isn’t 18 + yrs of raising a child our only real obligation? We need to raise mature responsible adults, not grown children.
I used a combination of student loans, scholarships and working to pay for my college education. It was hard having to go to work when my friends were out having fun. Unfortunately, a couple of those who didn’t work and spent most of their time drinking ended up flunking out and having to go back home.
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Thanks to blogs like this my mom isn’t helping me pay for college at all so thanks for that. My mother is in a good place to at least help me with books but won’t because I need to learn how the world works so see all of you full time McDonalds workers out there because I can’t pay for college alone, as a 19 year old with zero credit I can’t take out any loan’s. Thank you so much for your blog on teaching kids about life and the value of the dollar because now those kid’s will know now that they will be forced into working minimum wage jobs the rest of their life. Lastly loans for college, all of them require a parent to cosign so even if I had the credit to do so I couldn’t without a parent so I salute you on helping today’s and the future youth.
Adam, you should take your life into your own hands and do what you have to do.
If that means waiting tables, buying used books, and applying for scholarships then do it.
Another route is community college for your 1st 2 years which is cheaper by far than going the traditional route.
Also, who says you have to go to college? You have other options as well.
Don’t waste your time being bitter, go out and do something.
What a wonderful discussion this is, and one that all parents and their kids should have. Like many things in life there is no one right answer to the question posed here it depends on the people asking the question.